five years...

i've been thinking a lot about writing lately. i mean, a lot-a lot. like, the "i-think-i-might-want-to-go-back-to-school-so-i-can-write-more-and-better-stuff" type of thinking about writing. but i've been a bit shaky on the follow-through. so for now, i figure it's likely wiser (and a helluva lot cheaper) to just revive this crazy blog.

i came here tonight to check things out and update the look a bit (you like? i'm way-into google fonts these days), but then i realized something remarkable: i started this blog EXACTLY five years ago tonight.

my mind = totally blown.

it's blown because for many, many reasons that i'll likely soon blab about, i've been doing a remarkable amount of reflection lately. much of that reflection has actually brought me back to a warm fuzzy land of...well, a land of about five years ago. i had no idea at the time, but it has proven to be an immensely important season in my life. in my becoming.

you'll see over to the right there is a short list of other bloggers i followed back then. these folks were for the most part, my best friends. they were regulars in my imaginary sitcom of life. for some crazy reason, none of us have kept up our blogging. and for some crazy reason, most of them are not in my life now.

i mourn that fact from time to time, but more often than the mourning, i actually look back with gratitude and fondness for the time we spent together. five years ago.

dang. five years.

five years ago, i had a pretty cool job selling real estate.

five years ago, i was moving into a killer apartment in downtown kc.

five years ago, i couldn't go anywhere in this city without running into someone i knew.

most importantly, five years ago tonight i was smack in the middle of learning for the first time what Grace truly means.

since then, i've started writing songs. lots of them. i've run two marathons (wut-wut!) i've dared to follow my heart in very real and tangible ways. i've risked. i've loved. i've learned to cuss. (more than i should). i've moved...two and three-quarters times. i've made new friends who made me feel like i have another home in this world. i've been lonely. i've had my heart broken. i've met (and married) my husband. i now have a dog.

what's funniest to me is this: right now, i have even less of an idea what will happen next in this story than i did five years ago.

sounds like a good time to take up writing, n'est-ce pas?

the name of this blog is "in medias res"--in the middle of things. thanks for tuning in...we'll now rejoin the story already in progress....

community and the art of becoming...

sometimes i trick myself into forgetting how amazing my friends are.

probably one of my greatest strengths and weaknesses relationally is a tendency to place high expectations on my friends. i firmly believe that those who love you the most will urge you toward a higher standard and respect you enough to expect great things from you. the danger here lies in managing the inevitable conflict that arises when friends (who, in case you didn't know, are human!) disappoint you.

such has been the case in my life lately. and as a bona-fide ENFJ (emphasis on J for Judging), i can get pretty down about this...to the point where i was somewhat despairing this week that a) i will never figure out how to love people through conflict and b) certain people who are very near and dear to my heart are never going grow up and desire accountability.

oh the lies, and the sneaky Liar who wants us to believe them!

i have been proven wrong on both counts. i'll not relish the details here, but i have had a series of truly redeeming conversations with said friends in just the past few hours. i am so blessed to be learning how conflict really does breed intimacy. and that together, my sweet little community of friends is slowly sharpening one another.

thank god for community.

insomniac

i should know better than to make a run to the roasterie for a cup of coffee at 6 o'clock in the evening.

*sigh*

the good (maybe?) news is that i had work to do, which makes the wide-awake-at-2a.m.-ness a little more tolerable...that, and the fact that after a string of frustrating workdays that is a good several weeks long, i finally had a breakthrough of sorts today. good things are happening. business is taking a turn for the better. i finished the day today with my first contract in several months...the cold spell has broken and i know i have a paycheck on the horizon!

it's been so discouraging these past few weeks...working my tail off and still having things fall through, so i am so undeniably grateful for this bit of encouragement.

i'm not sure why i'm blogging this bit of semi-trivial information...i guess so you can rejoice with me :) and i guess because it's late and i'm wound up from good business and good coffee. happy wednesday, everyone!

a blog for everything...

after weeks of doug hassling me for not blogging on blogger, i thought i'd break the silence. briefly.

first of all, i've been blogging...but it's been on my myspace account. and i've been too lazy to copy it here as promised.

sorry.

secondly, i just wanted to post this site for you to peruse and discuss:

www.prayforcastro.com

pretty interesting. valid, i think. and i really like his response to the first (brave) person to comment and suggest that castro could never be saved, on account of all the bad things he's done. it all fits nicely with alot of what i've been mulling over in my mind these past few weeks and months.

let me know what you think.

two weeks in: welcome, 2007!

well, we are not even two weeks into 2007 and already this year has brought with it some interesting surprises. a fantastic green coat that i found at TJ Maxx for $40...a proposal from a dark, intriguing stranger...and a trip to the emergency room with my new roommate.

no time for stories now, but here are the morals to the stories:

1. (cheap) green coats are dead sexy.

2. apparently, green coats really are dead sexy.

3. never practice your knife tricks while home alone.

sweet sassy molassey! beloved 2007, what other delights have you up your sleeve?! what wonders do you behold?!


...in the movies, we have leading ladies and we have the best friend. You, I can tell, are a leading lady, but for some reason, you're behaving like the best friend.
-eli wallach as arthur abbott in the holiday

fun with picasa

so, after turning my back on myspace and starting another blog on blogger, i discovered this great tool called picasa. it's totally free and has helped me do wicked-cool things with some of my pictures. have some half-assed photo software that came with my computer, but in order to really do anything with my photos, they wanted me to buy an upgrade.
granted, this isn't quite as much fun as if i had photoshop, but i'm still doing some really cool work...and it is FREE. and it interfaces with my google on-line photo album so i can immediately upload my masterpieces and share them with you!

so without further ado, here is my first study. i'm quite proud of it. i took these fun pictures of people dancing at winfield last september. there was this great celtic folkish band called the david munnelly band. they were wonderful and there was this guy....

From RANDOM PHOTOS

who was not david munnelly, but he was in the band and he was beautiful and made all of the women swoon. seriously. well, in this shot he was singing some heart-breakingly lovely song about his homeland or a dead woman or something (you know how the irish are) and many people got up and started waltzing. it was...magical. it was a cool evening after a hot day and the warm kansas wind had died down to a gentle breeze. there was this lovely music and then...dancing. magical.

so i took these cool photos that, though i knew they were too dark, i also knew they had potential to be worked into something very special. so here is one of the originals....

from there, i had a little fun this afternoon. check it out.


this is after i cropped the random guy out of the right side and had some fun with the contrast and light.


this one has focal color/black and white.


this is with the filtered black and white.


sepia, of course.


and this is the soft focus and some more warming of the color. i really love this one because it looks to me like the couple is dancing as though the entire world has disappeared and it's just the two of them...as the jilted cowboy lover looks on.

you gotta love a dark, jilted cowboy lover.

so i hope you enjoyed this little bit of fun with me. i'm sure there will be more hot photos to come...

me and drew barrymore...we're SO hot right now.

see for yourself!



i think maybe i'm spending too much time online.